If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Found the puke drawer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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