If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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