when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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