Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
