and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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