Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
