I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
