I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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