My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
