Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
