I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
