im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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