Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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