my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
