I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
