I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I will die if light touches me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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