Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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