he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
