My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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