Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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