my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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