I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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