you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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