were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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