Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
