Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
