Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
