I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
