Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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