If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize