Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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