Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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