ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
