I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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