So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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