You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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