he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
