i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
