rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
