And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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