I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
