cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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