How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
