this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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