She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
