im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
