just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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