Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
