You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
