she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
