Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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