Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
