we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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