I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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