this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
