Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
