I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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