chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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