I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
