Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All the doctor said was why
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
