Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
