i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
