VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
