your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
